I feel petty, oh so petty

[asdr83]

I am feeling somewhat depressed and very uncared about. There is no logical reason for this. I know my friends and boyfriend care about me, as does my family. When I'm with any of those just mentioned I feel absolutely sure I'm needed. Even now I'm being an essential shoulder to cry on/someone to talk to for a friend. So why do I feel this need to jump up and down and say "look at me! look at me! I need attention!"? I'm disgusted with myself, and this petty urge. I'm even more upset that I've given in and written about this horrible base humaness that I can't seem to rid myself of. Now that it's here people will probably talk/write to me about it and I'll feel guilty for giving in, but if no comments pass I'll feel sad and neglected. Urggghh!!!! I hate this. I feel usless and lazy and at the same time stressed and over-responsible for other people. I want to cry all the time now and I don't know why and what's even worse is that I don't end up crying at all. It's building again and I don't know how to fix me or let others fix me. Crying...need to go.

Edit: Not having a working lighter in my room is a good thing, having sharp objects is not. Sharp objects are a bad substitute for hot ones. Self-destructive tendencies are as difficult to talk yourself out of as they are easy to talk yourself into. My work will not get done if I keep typing in live journal. These are the learnings of the past half hour or so. Oh and that small amounts of quiet tears are annoying but not cathartic.