I feel petty, oh so petty

[asdr83]

I am feeling somewhat depressed and very uncared about. There is no logical reason for this. I know my friends and boyfriend care about me, as does my family. When I'm with any of those just mentioned I feel absolutely sure I'm needed. Even now I'm being an essential shoulder to cry on/someone to talk to for a friend. So why do I feel this need to jump up and down and say "look at me! look at me! I need attention!"? I'm disgusted with myself, and this petty urge. I'm even more upset that I've given in and written about this horrible base humaness that I can't seem to rid myself of. Now that it's here people will probably talk/write to me about it and I'll feel guilty for giving in, but if no comments pass I'll feel sad and neglected. Urggghh!!!! I hate this. I feel usless and lazy and at the same time stressed and over-responsible for other people. I want to cry all the time now and I don't know why and what's even worse is that I don't end up crying at all. It's building again and I don't know how to fix me or let others fix me. Crying...need to go.

Edit: Not having a working lighter in my room is a good thing, having sharp objects is not. Sharp objects are a bad substitute for hot ones. Self-destructive tendencies are as difficult to talk yourself out of as they are easy to talk yourself into. My work will not get done if I keep typing in live journal. These are the learnings of the past half hour or so. Oh and that small amounts of quiet tears are annoying but not cathartic.

Comments

[siderea]

((hugs))

There's nothing wrong or petty with wanting or needing attention. Being cared about is not a substitute for being cared for. Being needed is not the same as having one's needs met. (Yea, verily, I am the voice of experience; I tried those substitutions for a long time.)

You have this wonderful drive to be selfless and giving of the last bit of yourself, but if nobody's putting gas in your tank, your car won't drive.

[oakleaf-mirror.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

For catharsis, I need a really good cry, not just a leaking about the edges sort of deal.

Cutting or burning bits of you will not make it easier for others to spot your inherent worth and dignity. We know it's there, and see it in you. Many people don't frequently point it out, though. The world would be better if more of us did, and I'll try to do it more often. Taking care of people requires that you take care of yourself, too. I can *so* relate to wanting others to take over that for a little while, at least, though.

Well, duh

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

Even now I'm being an essential shoulder to cry on/someone to talk to for a friend. So why do I feel this need to jump up and down and say "look at me! look at me! I need attention!"?

Asked and answered. You feel uncared for precisely because you are giving attention to someone else and not vice versa. Perfectly valid. Not allowed to feel guilty for giving in to the urge to not be a doormat. Nor for writing about yourself in your own journal, that's what it's here for. We all comment or not of our own free will, too.

Just for clarification

[cristovau.livejournal.com]

Journaling is one way to get help from yourself to yourself. If you really feel like it's unfair to get all greedy-needy, mark it private. That also means you can take away some of the censors you might otherwise have... believe it or not (given my volume of posts), I do this a lot.

There are other ways you can be your own counsellor, or you can ask for help. There is no fault in asking friends for sympathy every now and then. If you ever need an ear feel free to call...