I like online quizes too much

( heart quiz )

life stuff

I've been lazy about doing an actual and interesting update. Life has been fairly good so far. Had a lovely weekend and now am trying to stay on top of my work as midterms and spring break near. Talked to my mom recently. My Grandma is doing better, though the chemo is making her tired. She has had 2 doses (I think) now and will probably go back to the assisted living facility in a couple of weeks. She fell at the hospital but is okay. She tried to catch herself on the towel rack during a dizzy spell and it came off the wall. The hospital told my aunt my grandma needs supervision, my aunt told them that they need stonger wall fixtures *shrug*.
Despite what our vet told us (or maybe cause she's a cailico, out of spite of what the vet told us) Mischief is still hanging on. She'll be 18 in May and was diagnosed with fast growinf tumors in the sinus and palate in October. She does not seem to care about her cancer, the only sign she is sick is her very swollen face. Sweetie seems to be losing weight according to my mom. she has also started coming out and meowing around 7 until she gets her insulin shot (which is at 7:30 am & pm). when my parents try to sleep in on the weekends the cat harasses my dad until he gets out of bed. She is an odd (but good) little kitty.
On the whole life is rather nice right now, but on the edge of getting very stressful again. I'd like to hang on to the nice, but I worry about being unprepared for the stress.

I feel petty, oh so petty

I am feeling somewhat depressed and very uncared about. There is no logical reason for this. I know my friends and boyfriend care about me, as does my family. When I'm with any of those just mentioned I feel absolutely sure I'm needed. Even now I'm being an essential shoulder to cry on/someone to talk to for a friend. So why do I feel this need to jump up and down and say "look at me! look at me! I need attention!"? I'm disgusted with myself, and this petty urge. I'm even more upset that I've given in and written about this horrible base humaness that I can't seem to rid myself of. Now that it's here people will probably talk/write to me about it and I'll feel guilty for giving in, but if no comments pass I'll feel sad and neglected. Urggghh!!!! I hate this. I feel usless and lazy and at the same time stressed and over-responsible for other people. I want to cry all the time now and I don't know why and what's even worse is that I don't end up crying at all. It's building again and I don't know how to fix me or let others fix me. Crying...need to go.

Edit: Not having a working lighter in my room is a good thing, having sharp objects is not. Sharp objects are a bad substitute for hot ones. Self-destructive tendencies are as difficult to talk yourself out of as they are easy to talk yourself into. My work will not get done if I keep typing in live journal. These are the learnings of the past half hour or so. Oh and that small amounts of quiet tears are annoying but not cathartic.